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personal blabber
Showing posts with label personal blabber. Show all posts

Tornado Closet

Monday, September 5, 2011

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I guess it's not all bad that I'm stranded in a tornado closet with dog treats, spicy V8, water, Pandora, and 11 Alive.

My Chore List

1.  Email Grandpa.  Do they have tornadoes in South Dakota?  Lucky Duckies.  Ok.  Maybe I would rather have a tornado than a blizzard.

2.  Finish my IRB Training (ethical research) for Grad School.  Yeeha!  I've been waiting for a special time to do that.  :) yep.  A real special time.

3.  Brush up on my Bruce Hornsby and Genesis lyrics.  Nothing like 80s piano ballads when storms are nigh.

4.  Create new seating charts for next week.  I wonder if I could organize the desks in a zig-zag pattern for a change? 

Today would be a really good day for a basement, a movie marathon, or a wrestling competition.

Beneficence. Belmont Principles.  Promulgated.  AaaaaaaHHH..
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Chain Link

Sunday, June 5, 2011

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So, today I've been thinking about unintended consequences.  The sermon this morning was about Noah and his Ark, and honestly, I only half listened.  I was stuck in my mind again---thinking about fear--- and how I've let it make me think I'm chosing the safest, most responsible option, when actually I've been cowering and kowtowing to ugly fear.

What if Noah had chosen the "safest" option?  What if  he had run from the tigers?  What if he had been more responsible and gone to work instead of building a giant hobby ship?

Sometimes, I wonder how my life is different from the girls who seemed to have it all planned out by sophomore year in college.  By graduation, they'd be married.  By the next year, they'd be finished with grad school, and when Timmy started kindergarten, they'd open a consulting firm and buy a motorcycle.  And yeah, it's five years later now, Timmy is in school, and I've seen Susie cruising around town on her motorcycle in her powder pink chaparreras.

What are these Perfect Plan-istas afraid of?  What do they struggle with?  Do people ever look at them like they're aliens?  I have no idea what their kind of life must be like.

It's an interesting place being single approaching thirty.  People aren't sure how to make polite conversation without being able to ask about my strong, strapping husband or my healthy babies.  So, they ask about the gym, the weather, the school assemblies, and the who-I'm-dating-now. 

I have learned so much being on my own for these years.  I've learned about good parenting from some awesome friends.  I've learned about good communicating from some patient roommates.  I've learned about loss-and-letting-go from some sisters who've gone.  I've trudged through the sludge in the bottom of my heart and found some jewels there, too.  I've wandered from God, and I missed Him so much.  It has been fun to have the freedom to explore all of these things on my own calendar.

I think the hardest thing about being where I am, as the one who doesn't fit expectations in our society . . . is that I am the oddball in my family. My parents and my sister walked the Married by Twenty Path.  They really speak the same language.  Maybe someday, I'll learn it.  Until then, there are going to be times I'll be on the outside. 

I just read Genesis Six again.  I wonder if Noah had fun building the Ark?  Cypress wood, pitch, rooms, decks, animals . . .They say he was 500 when he started the project and 600 when he finished.  I wonder if he and his sons sanded the decks together?  I wonder if his wife painted and hung curtains?  :P  I wonder if there were times Noah looked up at the sky and thought, "Pfft.  Water?  From where?  God? Did you change your mind?  God?"   And then, maybe he looked down at his sons and thought, "I trust."

Lord, show me what it means to be obedient.  I've been as obedient as I know to be, but show me more.  Show me what to do with all this alien freedom.  I don't want to waste it.  Show me how to be courageous. 

Love.  Rain.  Ready.

Aubrey
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Fruity Dirt (still editing)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

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From Matthew 13 and a visit to PCBC June 14th.

The tenuous fate of scattered seeds
crash-landing somewhat haphazardly
Depends on the dirt, grounded in the earth
nurturing fruit, or spiritual loot ...
What will become of the seeds?

Seeds in the road are crushed
By the weight of cruising cars
Birds swoop down and munch on crumbs that could've been gardens
but the seed cannot see fruition
digested too early by theives

Seeds in the rocky soil produce shoots
that are spindly and weak
wither in the sun, bend in the wind
Can't hold their own weight,
let alone bear nourishing yield

Seeds in the weedy areas get taken over
by invasive species that grow quickly
and are hard to corral once they start.
The harvest is thorny commotion
The fruit is strangled and bland

I want to be faithful with the seeds. I want to produce fruit with immediate relevance and eternal consequence.

I pray for the good soil, but I can see myself as each of these others. My heart is hardened, and I don't digest the truth I hear. My heart is untilled, shallow, and filled with a thousand songs. I want to be focused, diligent, and repentant... <-----in a way that involves dancing around the living room, lots of grilling and baking, p90x, and crafting with textiles, if possible. :o) ??

laughing, fighting, living...
Aubrey
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Turn (Subtitle: Prayer for the Yeti)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

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Lord, Turn

He turns the Earth; He turns the sun;
He turns around the feet that run;
He turns the cheeks of wicked men;
and turns our thoughts to beauty, then

He turns the tides; He turns the calf;
He turns to favor ruler's wrath;
He turns the folded tables gold;
He turns the clock, then we're old.

He turns his eyes; He turns the score;
He turns the key that opens doors;
He turns up and down the noise;
He turns to life what life destroys.

He turns the wheel; It spins all way.
And while it spins, He holds the clay.



ONE MORE THING
An installment in series of serieses--all entitled "The Mess"

I'm pretty sure I was born a mess. Had there been a Baby Born Beautiful reality show in Tulsa in '81, I would have been dubbed November's "Aaaw, Poor Thing." My desk is covered with an artful sugar-mold spilling markers, a lamp, a stack of CDs, a harmonica, an iron, and a postcard of King Bhumibol Adulyadej. My habits haven't changed much from the chaotic ones of that freshly-born Aubrey and I am often pretty disturbed by that.

A few years ago, a dear friend gave me a green mug with indigo flowers on it with a card that said in part, "He sees your messes and they don't frighten Him." I think I'm starting to get it. Here's how:

Waterdeep was a band that started back in Kansas and toured a bit in Missouri when I was in college. Back then, Lorie was pretty newly married to Don, and Don was still telling stories about the dorms of KU. I love music, and they were absolutely my favorite concert. Every time.

So, years passed. I moved to Atlanta and hadn't seen the Chaffers in concert for a while. I'd built a serious craving. So, when I heard they were coming to town with Sandra McCracken and Derek Webb, I was pumped. ENTER:MESS 1. I waited too long to get tickets (trying to figure out if we had enough going to get a table). 2. I did not get cash to pay for tickets at the door.

Ten minutes before the early show was scheduled to start, I was cruising around D-town looking for an ATM. I had checked a few minutes prior and knew they only had a few tickets left for that show. Stressed! Five minutes before the show, my friends were arriving to meet me. We arrived at the door right before the show was to start. I was absolutely hopeless by this point and so frustrated with "the mess". The man ahead of us in line said to Noah, the worker dude, "Hey, I have three extra seats at my table. My wife couldn't come after all. So, if you want to give them away, I'm game."

I said, "Hey, could we sit with you?"

How many seats did we need? 3
Where was this table? Front and Center--Spitting Distance--Table the FIRST
Which show was it? The early.
How was the show: Kick buttocks, hard.
What's the POINT (already)?

God knows us inside and out and is absolutely n o t intimidated by the things that look like messes. He's going to do what He's going to do, but He listens to those who talk with Him.

I'm saying (errr...screeching), "Do you SEE this disaster?!"
He's saying, "Don't worry; I've got it."
I'm saying, "What have I done?!"
He's saying, "It's nothing I can't handle. I'm bigger than you."
I'm saying, "I did everything I could and look what happened!! What a MuhESS!"
He's saying, "I know, Aubrey. My way is better. :) "
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Designed

Sunday, June 8, 2008

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I spent some time at Pensacola Beach a few days ago. It's amazing to me how the same God who designed oceans that can tsunami entire nations into n o t h i n g engineered brilliant, beautiful little shells. I love that.



Designed

The rip tides are hidden, erratic pulls
That drag while you're kicking and yank 'til you're full
of plankton and brine, watery salt.
Lungs that can't take it fill and then halt.

The Maker is violent, dangerous, loud;
He lifts up the rulers and cuts down the proud.
Like soldiers, the tides march in and retreat
In time with His magnetic metronome beat.

The shore sand is soft, yielding, unmeasured--
A hiding place both for lost junk and treasures.
It forms hills and valleys at the whim of the wind,
settled only 'til the sea claims it again.

The Lord is a gentle, strategic unknown
Who buries great gifts in the sands of His own.
Like time, the breeze stirs up and reveals
The depths of a love that knows, values, and heals.

....

Honey, it's HOT! ;) Anyone for a sweaty game of frisbee?

near frozen juices. iced grande vanilla lattes. AC.

Aubrey
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Compromise, ne pas?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

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I was watching an episode of Felicity the other with my roommate. The show follows its namesake from high school through college. Felicity is a dramatic, sheltered, California pre-med major who winds up in New York in pursuit of a high school crush. So, in the episode I was watching... Felicity and Ben have been a couple for a few weeks. It is everything she thought she wanted. Only, Felicity reaches a sort of catharsis when she realizes she has had to compromise a lot of the foundational parts of herself to be with this guy. When they break up in the episode, she says:

The truth is, I can't be with you like this. I mean, I know I said that I could, but I can't. I just can't compromise myself like that. I'm an emotional person. I feel things and I need to be able to get upset and talk about how I'm feeling. That's who I am. I can't change it. I don't want to. And the thing is--you knew that. You knew it and you still pursued me; because you want something--you're just not strong enough to have it. Which, in a way, makes you a coward. And the saddest part is that one day, you're going to wake up and realize what you missed and it's going to be too late.

It's so easy when you really want something to hang on to the wanting harder than you hang onto yourself. The more often I say "yes" to that cowardly voice, the easier it gets.

Hrrmmmm...
And now for the fun part. Some pics--




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